Mutter Mother
by Clone Daniel
Summary: Mothers are meant to protect their children. They are meant to watch over them, to care for them... to love them. Why have you not done so?
1. The Case Of Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu

_Author Notes: So here I am, writing another one-shot thing – or rather a two part thing – rather than working on my main stuff. Well, it's just one of those things where you get inspiration, and just have to write it down! In fact, this was inspired by the Evangelion fanfic I'm currently writing, and the response I got to Chapter 6 – the most recently posted._

_So, please enjoy._

_P.S. To clarify: "Mutter" is the German word for "Mother". So effectively, the title of this story is "Mother Mother"._

* * *

She sat alone, in a single steel fold-out chair; her head hung low and eyes looking blankly at the ground patterned purple with blood red blobs around it; a strange sort of ground marker. Everywhere else was black, the only light shining from above, directly down on her. Her short, brown hair with an undertone of red protected her face and her light blue eyes, her plain white hospital gown her only clothing, going down to her knees. In the bend of her left arm, she held a small doll with red hair, buttons for eyes, and a smile that was scary in a way.

"This is the me that exists inside the EVA."

The sound of a second roof light coming on just behind her and above her was accompanied by the voice of a red-headed fourteen year old girl, wearing a bright yellow sundress with plain black shoes; her bangs shadowing her eyes. "And this is the me that exists inside of your mind."

**The Case Of Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu**

She is your daughter? "Yes." Do you love her? "Yes" Really? "Yes."

"Liar!" The scream of her daughter echoed around her. "You never loved me!"

Then why did you not help her? Why did you hurt her? Why did you kill her?

"I didn't kill her!" But you did try. "That was just a shell."

"That was before. This is now." The quiet, monotone voice of the one she knew as Rei Ayanami spoke from behind her as she stood to her feet, the chair disappearing. "You are her mother. And yet you hurt her, and continue to do so. That is not what mothers do."

"I'm trying to help her." The voice of Kyoko was small, her head still hung low, her eyes moving to the doll she cradled like a baby.

"You like that doll more than me!" Images of her in the hospital, whispering to the doll, and ignoring 'that girl over there'. "Why didn't you help me!?"

"I have been helping you." Her voice was on the edge of tears.

"Is that true?" She recognised this voice. Shinji Ikari, coming from her left side. Still she did not bring her gaze upwards. His voice was calm, monotone... "Have you helped her?" ...and yet scathing at the same time. "I watched as she was hurt." The arms of Unit-Two, sliced off at the shoulders by the fourteenth angel. "I watched as she was raped." A defiling by the fifteenth angel. "I watched as she was killed." Eaten alive by nine vultures. "You did nothing to help her."

She screamed. "I tried!" The doll was clutched to her chest. "I'm trying!"

Did you really try? Have you ever really tried?

"Of course I have! She's my daughter! I love her!"

The enraged form of her daughter, Asuka Langley Soryu, materialised in front of her, looking at her hung low head. "Rubbish! All you ever cared about was that doll!" She pointed at the little human replica held in Kyoko's arms. "Where were you when I needed you most?"

Images of the ten years of her life where she existed without a mother.

Flashes of the many times she was hurt in battles against the angels.

Pictures of her in a hospital, comatose.

"I was trying to make you happy." But does she look happy? "When my mind was lost, I knew that this was the only way to make you happy." Does she look happy? "I want you to be happy, my little Asuka." Does she look happy?

Her head finally lifts to look at her daughter, her young face enraged, standing rigid and firm.

Does she look happy?

Asuka roared. "Do I look happy?" She continued. "I might not have shown it, but I was happy living with Misato and that idiot Shinji. They cared about me! Hikari cared about _me_ too!_ME!!! _Not some doll they could use as a tool!_"_

"Look mama; look at me! I'm an _elite_ pilot now! I'm supposed to keep it a secret, but I'll only tell you, mama. Look at _me_ now mama!"

A four year old girl, tears pouring from her eyes like they were faucets, screaming... "MAMA!!!"

A fourteen year old girl, lying on a bed next to Shinji, whispering in her dreams, crying... "Ma... ma."

Does making her happy make you happy?

Kyoko whispered. "Yes."

The three children disappeared into the black.

You were never there for her. It was always about the EVAs. Always about what would make you happy.

You are selfish.

You are cruel.

You are not a mother.

"I am a mother!"

"I'm her mother now." She knew the voice of the purple haired Misato Katsuragi. Her face was grimaced, eyes glaring spear-tips at Kyoko, only intensified by the bright jacket and plain black dress she wore. "For ten years of her life, Kaji and I have been the only parents of any kind that she has known."

Where were you? "I..." Where were you? "I was..." Where? "I was making things better for her. What else was I supposed to do?"

You could have helped her.

"I was!" Kyoko cried into the black, her voice draining to a meek one as she continued. "I could do nothing else."

"Keep telling yourself that." The voice of Kaji. The man now stood before her, his hands in his pockets, wearing his black pants and light blue short sleeve shirt. His wise eyes looked at her, his confident smile ever present. "But in the end, you have simply made her unhappy." He faded away.

Does making her happy make you happy?

The mother whispered the same answer. "Yes."

Selfish.

"All you ever wanted was a doll!" Asuka, sat in the plug suit of Evangelion Unit-Two, the bright red plug suit covering her body. Her head hung low so that as Kyoko looked at her, only the top of her head was visible; her hands holding her opposite shoulders. "Just a doll to make _you_ happy!"

Kyoko threw the doll she held to the floor and yelled at her daughter, begging her to listen. "No! I love you Asuka, I want to make you happy and-"

"You never wanted me for me!" "Don't come into my mind!" "It's defiling my mind..." "I hate you!!"

Is this what you fear?

Silence...

Is this what you fear?

"Yes." Kyoko whispered, her eyes betraying her fear. She saw Asuka running away from her, almost desperately.

You could have prevented this.

All of it.

From the beginning.

"How?!" Kyoko screamed into the inky black around her. "Tell me how I could've helped her."

Gendo Ikari, staring at her darkly behind those yellow tinted sunglasses and his hard features showing his distaste only slightly. His dull black pants, black commanders jacket and red jumper underneath that jacket also marking him out, both white gloved hands resting in his trouser pockets. "You are able to activate the EVA by yourself without the need of batteries, correct?"

"Y... Yes."

He pushed his glasses up with his raised right hand, leaving his left in place. "Then why did you not do so the moment you learned of the plans of both I and SEELE?" He lowered his right hand back to his side, his glare hardening. "Why did you not do so the moment you were lost to the EVA?"

Commander Fuyutsuki came to stand by his commanders left side, his aged and wise face far more passive and compassionate; if still holding some disgust. "You could have saved your daughter all of this pain. Even without you there, she could have had a relatively happy life, and learned to accept people... but it was EVA that hurt her." Asuka in the entry plug, sat in the foetal position as all was silent around her.

Rei Ayanami appeared to her left, staring impassively with those blood red eyes, and her voice it's usual monotone. "EVA that damaged her." Asuka in the entry plug, screaming in sheer agony as her left eye was pierced.

Misato appeared to her right, her voice carrying malice. "EVA that ruined her." Asuka, reaching to the sky, right army outstretched, reaching for the sky and begging for someone to help her.

Shinji Ikari suddenly appeared behind her, his soft spoken voice carrying all the hatred for her it possibly could. "EVA that killed her." Asuka, her right arm split in half, then pierced eight other times across her torso. A corpse.

And you are EVA.

And so, you killed her.

Her shell, strangling a fourteen year old girl in a distinctive red plug suit. "Die with me Asuka."

She screamed. "I don't want to die!!!"

Is this what mother's do? Kill their own children?

"I didn't kill her." The mother retorted feebly.

But you did nothing. Is that not just as bad?

"Yes."

And so, you killed her.

... No answer.

And so, you killed her

"I..."

And so, you killed her.

"Yes." She fell to her knees, eyes suddenly gushing with salty water that fell onto the strangely purple and red beneath her. "God, yes."

Why did you not help her?

Why did you not help her?

Why did you not help her?"

"I thought I was." She smashed her right fist into the unusual coloured circle she was knelt on. "I thought I was. Why isn't she happy?" She jumped back to her feet and screamed at what should've been the sky. "Damn it, Asuka! Why aren't you happy?!?!"

"Do you think I want it this way?" Kyoko spun around to see the form of Asuka at the age of four, her face unusually hard for a girl her age. "Did you really think I wanted it this way? This is just as bad as dying."

Without pain, life is meaningless.

But you caused her an excess.

"You hurt her Kyoko." A haunting voice and footsteps behind her, and Kyoko spun around to see... herself with a vacant smile, a malicious smile. Nothing but a shell. "You killed her Kyoko." It told her in a haunting voice that seemed to echo everywhere and nowhere. "You're a bad mother."

"No!" The shell shattered, the shards falling back into the ground. She spun around for a third time and dropped to her knees in front of the girl known as Asuka, now back to her fourteen year old form, wearing her bright red plug suit. Kyoko proceeded to grab Asuka around the waist, wrapping her arms around and pulling the red-headed girl towards her. "I'll do anything to make it better Asuka. Anything!" Her voice became a heaving sob, her tears sliding down the right leg of the plug suit. "Just... tell me what to do."

"M... Mama?"

"How touching." She knew this voice. Kyoko stood up and spun around once more, to see the form of the other. Her short brown hair and dark blue eyes marking her out as such. She wore a white lab coat and a pink shirt underneath, and a short blue skirt, and her face carried a small, almost knowing smile. "What makes you think you can _put it right_ now? It's too late to do anything."

"You're one to talk, Yui!" Kyoko roared back, marching up to the other mother, the other EVA. The roar continued straight into Yui's face. "Do you think that Shinji is any better?!

Yui's face was frozen in horror.

* * *

_Author Notes: A little short, I know, but I think that making it overly long will sort of ruin the effect. I'd just be repeating the chapter twice really._

_So yeah, a rather different view from what I've normally seen in most EVA fanfics. Not all, but most._

_As you can probably guess, this asks the question of why the mothers – specifically Kyoko in this chapter – didn't do things differently, why they let their children suffer at the many times they could've helped them, and why they didn't even try to end it all from the moment they knew of the plans of SEELE and Gendo – if they did, and I think that they must have discovered it or worked it out at some point, being aware of their surroundings and such. At least that's what I believe._

_So, with this chapter being based around Kyoko, I'm sure you can guess whom the next shall be focused on._


	2. The Case Of Yui Ikari

_Author Notes: Well, I'm pleased to see you are liking this so far. Heh, I have to admit that doing something the infamous style of Episodes 25/26 is actually a pretty big challenge, as I said last time. It's sometimes hard to get the feel of what it should be like._

_Ah well, hope you also enjoy this chapter._

* * *

She sat alone, in a single steel fold-out chair; her head hung low and eyes looking blankly at the ground patterned purple with blood red blobs around it; a strange sort of ground marker. Her short brown hair protected her face, her clothing a long with lab coat, a pink shirt and black skirt, along with black shoes. Her arms were resting on her legs, hands held together.

"This is the me that exists inside the EVA."

The sound of a second roof light coming on just behind her and above her was accompanied by the voice of a chestnut-brown haired, fourteen year old boy; wearing a white school shirt with blue under-shirt, and plain black trousers and shoes; his hair shadowing the top half of his face.. "And this is the me that exists inside of your mind."

**The Case Of Yui Ikari**

He is your son? "Yes." Do you love him? "Yes." Really? "Yes."

"You're lying!" The voice of son screamed all around her. "All I've ever been to you is a tool to pilot EVA!"

You have hurt him. Caused him pain. Killed him.

"No." Yui whispered, for some reason knowing that he would hear her. "He's my son, and I love him more than my own life. I'd give anything for him. I gave my life for him."

"So you are saying that this is all for him?" The voice of her ghost, Rei Ayanami, appeared on her left, looking down at Yui's head from her standing position, and wearing her school uniform; the dull green skirt with connected straps and white shirt underneath. "You did all this for him?"

"Yes."

"You did this to cause him pain?"

"No." Yui said back quietly but harshly to the cerulean haired girl. "I've done everything I've done to help him."

"Why aren't you helping me?!" The voice of her son, screaming all around her once more. "Move you stupid monster!!"

"I have. I helped you whenever I could."

Rei questioned her. "Whenever you could?"

"Yes." She looked up to stare at the piercing ruby red eyes of her echo. "Whenever I could." She returned her gaze to the floor.

"What a laugh!" She knew this one. The child of the other. The red-headed form of Asuka Langley Soryu appeared by her right side, standing tall and proud with her hands on her hips, wearing her yellow sundress. "Whenever you could... Yeah, right; that's about as rich as what Mama told me! So why didn't you help him at the end? When he was _all_ that pain? Hmm? Why did you just let him endure it all? You just sat back and watched while he got scared out of his mind, went insane, not to mention having both his hands pierced by those two Lance of Longinus."

"Because..." Truthfully, she knew the answer, but she could not bring herself to say it.

Have you helped him? Truly helped him?

The form of her son, Shinji, appeared in front of her, wearing his white shirt, blue undershirt and black pants and shoes. "All you wanted from the beginning was a tool." He spoke softly, but with plenty of anger and hate. "Just a thing that you could use how you thought right." The boy's eyes narrowed, and Yui dared not look up to see his face. "Where were you when I needed you most?"

Images of half his life where he existed without a mother.

Flashes of the many times he was hurt in battles with angels.

Pictures of him inside the entry plug, looking at his hands, each with a clean hole in the centre of the palm.

"This is all for you, Shinji." But does he look happy? "I did all of this for you. You're my little angel, and I want to make you happy." Does he look happy?

"Do I look happy, mother?" Yui looked at her son's face, to see him scowling at her... angry with her. "Even if they hurt me, I was happy living with Misato and Asuka. They... cared about me. Asuka may not show it, but I know she does care. Rei cares about me too, and there are others that care as well. I know that now."

The image of the father, walking away from a small boy, crying his heart out, begging for someone to love him.

"I don't even know who you are anymore." Shinji's quiet voice sent contrastingly sharp stings through Yui. "I hate you."

The three children began to fade away, even as Yui ran towards Shinji, only to run through him as he left. She fell and rolled onto her back.

He wasn't there. He was gone. "Shinji?" Yui voice asked silently, and received only silent darkness in return. She stood to her feet, calling out a little louder. "Shinji?" She looked around and walked back to the chair, and screamed out the name. "Shinji?!" Silence.

Is this what you fear?

No answer.

Is this what you fear?

"It... It is..." Yui spoke in a disbelieving voice. "I... I don't want Shinji to hate me... What could I have done to make him hate me?"

EVA.

Yui's head shot around, as if she sensed who was behind this unknown interrogator, only to find ink black once more.

You are selfish.

You are cruel.

You are not a mother.

"I am!!" Yui screamed, trying to shut out everything but her own voice. "I protected him! Cared for him! Loved him!!!"

"Really?" The form of Misato Katsuragi appeared behind her as she spun to meet it the face; marked with an angry glare and her hands balled into fists. Misato was wearing her distinctive bright red jacket and plain black dress. "So where were you? For ten years of his life he hasn't known what it is to have parents. As soon as it all began, as soon as you and SEELE initiated Second Impact... it was all about the EVA."

"No..."

Where were you?

"Where do you think?" She yelled upwards at the light that shined down on her from on unknown source. "I did all I could! I was trapped inside the EVA, and I did all I could!"

"Really?" It was... her sensei... Kouzou Fuyutsuki. She spun around once more to see him, his face was... disappointed. His light brown sub-commander uniform marking him out from the black, and his wrinkles casting shadows over his face from the light, his arms resting gently by his sides. "If you did all that you could, then why not have prevented this from the beginning?"

"I..."

Fuyutsuki's face hardened into that of an angry teacher, ready to give a thorough lashing to his student. "You could call this a punishment."

"It... It's Gendo's fault!!" Yui roared at her old sensei suddenly. "He was alive; he should've treated Shinji better! Even with me gone, Shinji would've been happy if he'd been a better father!"

"But who's fault is it that I am not a capable father?" She turned to her left to see him, her husband and commander of NERV: Gendo Ikari. His black commanders jacket and pants, along with his red jumper underneath his jacket making him look like a beacon in the dark, both white gloved hands resting in his trouser pockets. His eyes were shielded behind his orange tinted sunglasses, and yet were strangely visible at the same time. So expressive... "I was never given the chance to be a father to Shinji." Yui took one step backwards and went no further, wanting to run; but she found that she couldn't. "You kept Shinji with you at nearly all times, leaving him with little time to connect with me, or me to him. Plus," he proceeded to push his glasses up his nose with his right hand as he glared at his wife, "combine that with the plans of SEELE already set into motion before Shinji was even born, and was I ever given the chance?" His right hand returned to his pocket.

"You should've known how to act!" Yui marched straight up to his face and began to yell into it, ignoring that he was un-fazed or that Misato and Fuyutsuki were looking on with their own glares. "You should've at least tried-"

"This is not about me and what I have done wrong, Yui!" Gendo interrupted with a severely harsh tone, and yet his cool remained with him at the same time. "This is about you; what_you_ have done... and continue to do to _our_ son."

Yui's tone was now more subdued as she stared at her feet. "You're the one who hurt him all this time."

"And who was the catalyst for that?"

"You think I wanted to go into that thing?" Yui whispered venomously. "You think I wanted to leave him alone? I didn't!"

"But you've hurt him far more than I ever have."

Yui's eyes widened to their farthest possible, her mouth hanging open. Stunned.

"You could call the EVA's the physical manifestation of the defences of not just Shinji," Fuyutsuki told her as if teaching her in a lesson on humanity, "but for all three of them."

"And you are EVA." Misato chimed in, her deathly stare remaining fixed on Yui's back.

"So it is safe to conclude that you are the source of Shinji's problems. The source of his pain. His death." Gendo added in as finality.

Is this what you fear?

Yui did not answer, still staring wither her stunned expression at Gendo.

Is this what you fear?

"I already told you that it is." Yui whispered, still staring in shocked silence at her husband.

Then why did you allow what you fear to come to pass?

"Because I'm trying to make him happy." Yui whispered again, trying hard to force some kind of confidence into her voice and failing. "If he's happy, then what he feels for me doesn't matter."

But does he look happy?

"... He... doesn't." Yui whispered hoarsely.

And who's fault is that?

"... Mine..."

The forms of Misato, Fuyutsuki, and Gendo Ikari all disappeared into the black, leaving Yui to stumble backwards until her knees joints connected with the chair, causing her to collapse onto it in a sitting position.

And so, you have killed him...

Killed your own son, on the basis of making him happy.

"I'm..." Yui whispered again, gripping her skirt so tightly it was almost ripping. "Other people... hurt him too..." She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes.

Excuses.

They are merely symptoms of the disease.

"But..."

Why did you not help him?

Why did you not help him?

Why did you not help him?

"I thought..." She clenched her eyes shut to allow the tears to run free. "... this was the right thing... to do." She collapsed forward onto her knees, the chair she was sat on falling backwards in contrast.

"What made you think I wanted it like this?" Through tears blurred eyes, Yui looked up to see the form of a four year old Shinji Ikari, his face unusually hard and his tone strangely powerful for such a young boy. "What made you think that hurting me and killing me would make me happy?"

Without pain, life is meaningless.

But you have caused him an excess.

"I'm sorry!!!"

The black suddenly shattered away.

She found herself sat up in a hospital bed with white covers over her legs, and a white pillow supporting her, and the surrounding walls all a clear, pure white. She was wearing a white hospital gown that was partially pulled down over her right breast, allowing a small baby... a newborn baby with a few wisps of dark brown hair, to suckle at her breast right, holding it gently with it's tiny hands. It's eyes closed, clearly content, warm, and safe.

She recognised the baby she was cradling in her arms immediately.

"... Shinji...?"

"So you figured it out too?" The voice of a second female came from her left.

Yui looked over there to find...

Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu.

She was also cradling a newborn baby with a strands of red hair adorning it's head, quiet and happy to be near the safety of it's mother, which was suckling at her left breast. Kyoko was under identical covers, sat up on an identical bed.

It was like a mirror.

Kyoko's blue eyes came up from the baby she was cradling lovingly in her arms in the same manner as Yui, to look at the other mother with a warm smile and sad eyes.

"We thought we were doing the right thing, but we've gone about being mothers all wrong." Kyoko began to explain, noticing Yui's eyes watching her inquisitively. "We wanted to protect them from everything; even things that would prove good for them later in life."

Yui looked to Shinji and realised... that Kyoko was right. She looked back up to the other mother, seeing her in the same position.

"Mother's are meant to be guardians to their children, not shields."

Yui looked down to her tiny Shinji again, and then smiled softly, closing her eyes. "What have we done?"

"What we thought was right." Kyoko chimed in, turning the gaze of her eyes to her little Asuka as she did. "From a certain point of view, anyone could sympathise with what we tried to do. Create a better world for all; especially for them."

Yui replied to that quietly. "And look how it turned out. We're supposed to have been two of the smartest people alive... and..."

"We were stupid." Kyoko has a small smile on her face, using her right hand to pet her child's head. "We are the very thing that we wanted to remove for them: pain." She looked back up to the other mother across from her, watching with that same smile as she noticed Yui's cheeks growing wet.

"Can we make it right?" Yui sniffed as she looked up at her counterpart with an almost desperate look. "I don't want him to hate me."

Kyoko's answer was to the point. "We can't do very much now... Except let them go, and hope for the best." Before Yui could form a rebuttal, she continued. "They've relied on us for a decade of their lives, even if they haven't known it themselves. They need to let go. And we need to let them go."

"But..." Yui stopped, and looked back down to Shinji. Her little Shinji. Always, he'd been hers. Now someone in the exact same position was asking her to give him up, let him go... Asking the shield to be dropped. "Oh, Shinji... can you ever forgive me?" She gave his hair a gentle stroke which he gave no response to, simply continuing to snuggle in the warmth of his mother.

"I think he will." Kyoko told her softly. She closed her eyes and turned them to face the baby girl held close at her breast. "But will you, my little Asuka?" As she opened her eyes, there were clearly tears welled up at the bottom of them.

"She will." Yui suddenly spoke, making Kyoko bring her gaze back to her in a fairly quick move. "After what she's discovered here, I think she will. She's always wanted to love you, and for you to love her back."

Kyoko couldn't speak her throat felt so tight, so she simply mouthed a thank you.

The two of them found themselves standing on a road, side by side, with Kyoko still to Yui's left. Yui's labcoat, pink shirt and black skirt were now on her form once more, and Kyoko was left wearing a hospital gown that now fully clothed her, almost like a dress.

The grey concrete was beneath them, and the blue sky was above. Beyond them was a light, almost like a light house. All around were green grass, clearly presenting a boundary that was easily crossed, meant only as a warning to those that might stray.

Just in front of them and running away together jovially, laughing and playing like it was the happiest time in their lives, were two children. A four year old chestnut haired boy, and to his left a red-headed girl who had just turned four years old.

This is what could have been.

It was not what happened.

Therefore, we are left only with the benefit of hindsight and thoughts of the other possibilities.

Goodbye to my son.

Goodbye to my daughter.

Not only must the children let go of their pasts...

The mothers must allow them to embrace their future.

End.

* * *

_Author Notes: And that's it for this little two part thing. I hope you've all enjoyed this. As I said in part 1; when you get an idea like this, you just get the need to put everything else aside and write it down._

_I have checked out a timeline of EVA, and Shinji and Asuka were born in 2001 (Shinji in June, Asuka in December). Yui disappeared into Evangelion-01 in 2004, and Kyoko committed suiide in 2005; making Shinji three and four at the times of their respective events._

_And just to let you know, I won't be continuing this 'story' with other characters, since it would kind of defeat the premise of this being all about the mothers. _

_However, on the suggestion **dennisud**, I will most likely be doing a second story of this Episode 25/26 style at some point in the future, with the intent of looking inside two or three of the other characters. I've decided to title it: "The Architects." Keep an eye out for it._


End file.
